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Its always like years...   
11:40pm 29/01/2012
mood: cheerful
Wow, long time no posting. Its all about the Facebook eh. Anyway, UPDATE: I have a baby of my own, she is so super amazing, she is about 16 months old. I am single mommin' it. Its for the best of course. Having a kid changes your whole life, its so crazy. SO CRAZY!
so its been awhile   
01:09pm 30/12/2009
mood: bouncy
I, uh, forgot about my LJ and recently was like say what? i want my LJ. and it was still here. sweet. things that have changed in like the last 3 years. I graduated college and got a good job that i loved. got laid off from said job, have new job, do not love as much. went on major alcohol induced craziness. used to only have "sober tuesdays" in which we could violate if we could find any reason to celebrate (i.e. i saw the cutest puppy today! lets celebrate") i am currently living with boyfriend and have for over a year and half. I dont think it will last, we met a strip club. my mom passed away almost a year ago (january 10th 2009). it sucks and blows at the same time. my dad got remarried the beginning of october. He seems to be doing well and new wife seems to really care about him. my boyfriend has 2 daughters that stay with us on the weekends. i love them to death, they both just had birthdays and are 5 and 4. (one year, one month and 1 day apart, they are). they are the cutest little blond haired shits you will ever meet. :)
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09:44pm 22/12/2006
mood: gloomy
so seriously, i can't figure out what is so fucking wrong with me that i can't get a date. I am cute, although not skinny. i am independent, i have an okay job with nice perks (for a college student), i can pay my own bills. i am graduating from college in one semester with my Bachelors. SERIOUSLY? what the fuck is so wrong with me? its not like i even want to get married or something, i just want a date, fuck, people, a date. okay, maybe its my extreme cursing. i do swear a lot. or maybe because i don't really censor who i am and i am kind of loud. but seriously, that can't be so bad that no one wants to date me can it? i would date me, if i was a guy. i am fun, damnit. i have great taste in movies and music. ah! i am going crazy with this. i went on a date a week or so ago, i thought it went okay but apparently "emily has a great personality and awesome to hang out with, but i don't really see us dating" awesome, WHY THE FUCK NOT!? thats all i want to know. and seriously, i thought things were kind of clicking with this guy, we made plans for next week and major flirting going on, but, not good enough date. awesome. okay, so mostly i am just really angry. not even about the guy because i could care less about that guy, hes moving in january anyway. its just, what is so wrong with me?
07:51am 27/10/2006
  this is crazy. You can post from your phone.
i know, its been FOREVER   
07:44am 27/10/2006
mood: cold
okay, so bummer, it snowed here. lame yeah? totally lame. i hate the snow i really do. luckily, it all melted. YES! melted. so whats new with me you asked? glad you did, i am still working for the satallite television company, its been over a year now, i know amazing right? it so has not seemed like a year, im not getting that antsy feeling i get when i've worked a job for a year, probably because i feel antsy every day! at this job and now im just used to it, i think. deadened by the way people yell at me for nothing. YES! *claps*

i got a new cell phone but i ported my number so everyone that loves me should call. i also have unlimited text so if you are down with that, give me your number.

if all goes according to plan, i will be graduating in the spring with my BS in pyschology and a minor in women's studies. *claps* please let everything work out.

i am still single, perpetually i think. but it doesn't bother me so much as it used to. 25 and single is not the end of the world, not really. though if anyone knows any guys in idaho that are single and into non-skinny, sexy girls. let me know *winks* just kidding. i am ok, seriously.

okay, cuz im bored and you haven't all talked to me for a while, lets do this thing i stole from justin

Yes, bored. And, stolen from dekon (who stole it from devimonster).
Step 1: Put your MP3 player on random.
Step 2: Post the first line(s) of the first 20-30 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
Step 5: NO CHEATING (that goes for the guesser, too!)

1. "You crawl in bed, it's 3 am, you smell of wine and cigarettes"
2. "I'm wasting my time, I'm spending my days losing my mind"
3. "Gazing into my son’s eyes, reveals the pain."
4. "Help, I have done it again, I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today, And the worst part is there's no one else to blame"
5. "Well I want to take you as I find you. Imagine our clothes are on the floor"
6. "Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you."
7. "Doesn't it bring you down, so many lights and sounds. Call your mom on the telephone, tell her youre coming home"
8. "After school, walking home, fresh dirt under my fingernails, and I can smell hot asphalt."
9. "I know you like me, I know you do, that's why whenever I come around she's all over you"
10. "Gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth."
11. "When I look into your eyes, I can see a love restrained."
12. "If I could open my arms and span the length of the isle of Manhattan. I'd bring it to where you are, making a lake of the East River and Hudson"
13. "Roses are red, and violets are blue, honey is sweet, but not as sweet as you."
14. "When all is said and done, and dead does he love you, the way that I do."
15. "There's blood in my mouth cause I've been biting my tongue all week. I keep on talkin' trash but I never say anything."
16. "Gravity plays favorite, I know it cause I saw. Honest to god office its awful."
17. "Got you crawling up a mountain, hanging round my neck. I got you twisted round my finger, crawling round my legs"
18. "I see ya blowin' me a kiss, it doesn't take a scientist yo understand what's going on baby."
19. "I think I've had enough. I think I might erupt. I'm looking for some information."
20. "don't you even try to jettison now, this has gone, this has gone as far as i can allow. this ships been sinking with you at the helm, straight to hell, straight to hell, take a bow straight to hell."

okay thats enough, it took me forever! i am super lame. oh, okay, anyway, if you have any guesses, let me know and yeah, some of them are lame. i know. if anyone wants to know anything else new with me, just ask. woo.
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wow, i haven't updated in forever...here is a quick thing   
12:30am 01/10/2006
mood: chipper

LJ Interests meme results

  1. big sticks:
    OHMIGOD its the best popsicle EVER. its huge and orange/cherry/pineapple all swirly mixed together. AHHH i love big sticks! and the gas station on the corner is one of the uber rare places you can get them!
  2. chasing amy:
    ahh i LOVE LOVE LOVE, kevin smith movies. the man is a genius. just today i said something about "a little man" and then both and i and this guy anthony are all "15 bucks little man, put it in my hand, or you owe me owe me owe, my jungle love..." and so on. AHH killer.
  3. dying my hair:
    Oh i have had EVERY color of hair. seriously, orange, yellow, bleached white, green, pink, blue, purple, and so on and so on. currenty its BLACK. which is awesome. it turned out super well, i should um, post a pic.
  4. guster:
    this is a great band. amazing. thanks to the now ex-roommate Cub for turning me on to them. amazing.
  5. kissing:
    please, who doesn't love kissing. *laughs*
  6. mallrats:
    see number 2-which is a rip off since i already answered this question :) .
  7. notebooks:
    ahh notebooks. I LOVE stationary supplies and especially notebooks. its like, nearly orgasmic to get a fresh new notebook. *sighs* mmm notebooks.
  8. pump up the volume:
    ooh classic christian slater. tasty. "TALK HARD!"
  9. sneezing:
    ooh sneezing is fun. i do love the sneezing.
  10. the shins:
    lets see, does it say "the shins" i do love the shins. excellent band. they are on the garden state soundtrack which is one of the best movies ever!

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

okay, i know its not even december, yet...   
01:01am 29/11/2005
  but i always like to get a head count, so if you want a christmas card from yours truly (me) you have to hit me with your address...i still have tikijams but im not sure if its the current one...and i think thats actually all that i have. i love sending christmas cards so really, its my pleasure...gimmie your address!!! :)

Okay, the movie Happy Endings...GREAT MOVIE. im not kidding. i totally loved it, and who knew Maggie Gyllenhaal could sing like that?!? i mean, she rocks...i am NOT kidding..and not just for an actor. i mean she really sings. i just have one problem, there is a song i like, and i don't know how to get it and its pissing me off. but oh well, if there is nothing you can do about it, then there is nothing you can do about it.

work is going good. i actually won a dvd/vcr combo player the other day from work. which rocked. *Laughs* so i took back the cheapass dvd player i had bought a shopko..i was within 3 days of my 90 day return time frame. *laughs* i knew i kept that box for a reason, it was like, a sign.

i got my directv installed, and i just have to say, TIVO is the greatest invention EVER. i mean, wow. if you dont have it, you should look into it. it truly is the most amazing invention. i have no seen every episode of My So Called Life, WHICH is on at 3am in the morning. i would never get to see it otherwise...YES! and i also tivo southpark...and talk sex with sue but thats just funny! and daria, nip/tuck (though i completely am out of the loop since ive only seen season one and these new episodes i get now *laughs*) and drawn together (hilarious) and okay, i just found out that Beverly Hills 90210 plays on the SoapNet channel...and...i just want to see brenda! but its like the super newer episodes with like hiliary swank on them, WTF. so i will wait til it recycles back to the old episodes. i used to tivo MTV after hours with the music videos, but even after a like 5 hour block, there is only one video i actually care to watch, so F that. okay, im done with my tivo rant, the only thing is, if i got Fox so i could tivo the O.C. then that would be the best, but i dont get my locals :(

anyone that is interested in buying me a christmas present for some random weird reason, i want the o.c. trivia game, available at www.theocinsidershop.com :) i also wouldn't mind the "captain oats/bait shop" notebook set.. god, im such a loser but i love the o.c.

okay, yeah, sleep. i have 12 new emails in my Gmail box and EVERY single one is from my teacher...*laughs*
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01:57am 18/11/2005
mood: lonely
i am so lonely right now. i hate feeling so alone. *sighs* i hate being all whiny like this, its just, i dont feel loved right now, go figure. so there is this song, called Emily, but this band "from first to last". GREAT band, i have the entire cd with the Emily song, but its my specially favorite, because, why? you figure it out...

Smiles and her laughter
its the only thing that I've been waiting for a time
regardless of our distance and our hope...grows greater
trapped by pretty eyes and letters for all time
...the only thing that I've been waiting for.

I hope its something worth the waiting
cause its the only thought that I ever feel real
thunder storms could never stop me
cause there's no one in the world like Emily

she's simple yet confusing
her sparkling eyes make me weak at my words, they tremble
days seem like years in this month of December
the winter coldens me for I have yet to sleep
and never will I give up trying cause you're everything to me

I hope its something worth the waiting
its the only thought that I ever feel real
thunder storms could never stop me
cause there's no one in the world like emily
there's no one in the world like Emily

12:22am 24/10/2005
mood: melancholy
Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner
by Fall Out Boy

Drink down that Gin and Kerosene,
And come spit on bridges with me,
Just to keep us warm.
Light a match to leave me be.
Light a match to leave me be.

I'll keep my jealousy close,
'Cause it's all mine.
And if you say this makes you happy,
Then I'm not the only one lying.

Keep quiet,
Nothing comes as easy as you.
Can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake.
The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day.

And I'll keep my jealousy close,
'Cause it's all mine.
And if you say this makes you happy,
Then I'm not the only one lying.

Drink down that Gin and Kerosene,
And come spit on bridges with me,
Just to keep us warm.
Light a match to leave me be.
Light a match to leave me be.

So wear me like a locket around your throat.
I'll weigh you down.
I'll watch you choke.
You look so good in blue.
You look so good in blue.

So wear me like a locket around your throat.
I'll weigh you down.
I'll watch you choke.
You look so good in blue.
You look so good in blue.


So, on the plus side, i won a free iPod Shuffle from Jane Magazine (WOO JANE everyone get a subscription!!) how rocking is that? its not 340 million dollar lottery, but hey, still rocks. FREE STUFF ROCKS! i've wanted an iPod since forever, and although its just a shuffle, its still FREE and better than NOTHING! *jumps* rocks. oh and a 50$ gift card to iTunes. (originally the guy told me 100$ but then he apologized and said he was mistaken, oh well 50 is still better than nothing! woo.)

my job is going well, i am getting my complementary DirecTV installed on thursday. however, i have to pay for my DVR (99$) But then there is a 100$ mail in rebate, so it ends up being free, or they pay me a dollar to have it *Laughs* rocks. and then i get the "total choice premier" package free cuz i work there. *woo* that rocks too.

lets see, school is going great too. i have a paper coming up on abortion for my women's studies class. we watched a short flick about it. the horrible thing was that you could tell some of the chicks in my class are sooo pro-life FOR THE RECORD: i personally would never get an abortion, but you can't take that right away from anyone else. if you are against abortion than DON'T GET ONE, but don't take it away from anyone else. the flick we watched was about women that lived in a time when it was illegal (which is it is idaho *rolls her eyes*) and it was so sad. it was about women that died because they would try to do it themselves with a coat hanger, or pay people that were not doctors to do...it was so sad. *sighs* i also have a test in a class on tuesday but i just remember, so i will try to get some studying in tomorrow *Laughs* im not to worried about it, its my human conciousness class, where we talk about sleep, dream interepratations and psychic stuff. fun? yeah. something i feel like i need to hardcore study for? no.

oh yeah and my friend RB made me carve a pumpkin today (which i did 2 weekends ago as well) it has a spider on it, and then its suppose to say "wicked" but i rearranged the letters so it says "dick" i took a picture, when i find my connector cable i will post a picture. its funny.

lets see, as always, boy problems. *sighs* i dont really feel like getting into it though. i went and saw goonies the other night and got this HUGE bruise on my leg, like HUGE...its like 4 inches across and 1 inch wide. UGH. and then the next day i cut my leg and it has a huge bruise around the cut. (i slammed it on my car license plate) anyways, my leg F'ing hurts. its the same leg too, the cut/bruise is like 1 inch away from the real bruise. *sighs*

my bronco II's clutch stopped working, so my dad loaned me his regular bronco, it is great except it wouldn't start the other day (and its like 90 bucks to fill the tank). i assumed the battery must be dead, so i got a jump but it still wouldn't start. i told my dad so today he came down and cleaned the battery cables, *shrugs* it started so i guess that was the problem. while he was doing that, my mom did my dishes *woo!!!* i was beyond excited *laughs*

*yawns and sighs* i love fall out boy...this is a really long post because i haven't posted in a long time. im sorry people. *sighs* i think thats about everything...
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12:37am 29/09/2005
  the garbage concert was awesome. so awesome. however, my life currently sucks. pretty much every aspect of it. *sighs* i hate being depressed.  
another school year   
12:28am 06/09/2005
mood: about nick...
ok, so school has started again...MWF i have psych stats at 9-9:50am, MW i have bowling at 11am-11:50, and just M, i have into to woman's studies from 1 to 3:30pm. i then work at 4pm. TH i have Physiological Psych. at 9:30am to 10:45am then Psychology of Learning 11am to 12:30pm, and just T i have human conciousness from 1:00-3:30 then i have work at 4Pm. i have work at 4Pm every day til 10pm except thursday and friday which i are my days off. its a pretty tight schedule but it will keep me busy. i will be missing class on thursday and friday the 15th and 16th so that i can go to the Garbage Concert in vegas with nick (i am so excited i can't stand it!!! excited to see garbage but more excited to spend time with nick) but its soo worth it. speaking of nick, i haven't talked to him for like 5 days when usually we talk every night...should i be worried? im suppose to be visiting him in 10 days...i am worried about him...*sighs*

lets see, nothing else exciting is going on. my new job is SO much better then my last job. wooo *jumps around* what else?? what else??? thats it...later all.
Long Time No Post   
01:02am 20/08/2005
  yes, its been a very long time since my last post...a month or so...my vegas vacay was AWESOME. actually it went so well that i am going again next month. for one night to see GARBAGE my favorite band!! ohmigod i rock. plus i get to spend more time with Nick.

i quit my job cuz it sucked. i got a new job. woo. new job. woo. *yawns* i gotta sleep..i just thought i would make sure that everyone still knows im alive.
11:21pm 06/07/2005
  one week til my vacay. one week til my vacay, one week til my vacay! one week til my vacay!  
02:33pm 29/06/2005
  so i decided to get my hair professionally straightened. i have done it once before and it didn't work but that was ages ago...so i figured times had changed and they had nicer methods. and i was right. my hair is STICK STRAIGHT. i am so totally stoked. its awesome. totally worth what i paid for it. the only thing i can't do anything (ie wash, put it up in a pony tail) for 2 days. i can't put it into a pony tail or i will have a permant pony tail kink in my hair...so i get to work today and my boss is all "oh you straighted your hair again" (she really hates it, she LOVES my curls) and i was like, no, its permant, its never gonna be curly again! *laughs* i mean for a year. and she wigged out saying that i have to have it pulled out of my face and everything, when its exactly! the same as it was before, just not curly. like WHAT THE FUCK. its a little longer in the back but definetly not in the front, it can't be pulled back. AND second, i can't pull it back for 2 days anyway! i am not wasting the money i spent on this by having a permant kink in my hair. why does my boss have to be a bitch. shes a fucking snag...like does she want me to quit today or what? im fucking pissed. i know she's mad at me for quitting in like 3 weeks, but she needs to stop being a fucking bitch. AHHHHHHHH. and seriously, its not right for her to say ANYTHING about "health code" violations because there are a few girls that work there that dont pull their hair back AND like i said, my hair is the same as it was before as far as style and length, its just straight and i NEVER had to pull it back before. FUCK FUCK. what a biatch. i am SOO happy i am quitting. *jumps for joy* anyways, that sorta put a damper on my exciting sexy sleek hair, but other then that, i love it.  
Continuing Shifts in Dynamics   
01:51pm 27/06/2005
mood: calm
My boss wants to be nice to me as i am her friend, but she is very angry about me leaving. she keeps bringing up all the people she knows that works there and how much they hate it and all other kinds of shit...when really i need her support...*sighs* oh well, i have to do whats best for me. and i feel like it would be leaving my current job and going to a different....

I have been hanging out with Ace a lot. last night we slept out of her trampoline. now, shes nice, dont get me wrong, and she's my friend but she has some racist issues. everytime she says something like that i get after her, but she still has issues. we are going fishing with my parents tomorrow on their boat. im way excited. i haven't been fishing yet this year, so im totally stoked actually. we slept out on Ace's trampoline last night, which was fun...it didn't rain or anything. it was even warm enough. fun time fun times.

Its J's week to work so i havne't seen much of her since she got back from her wedding. i helped her paint her house and it looks really good....

i can't wait for my trip...its in 16 days and i can't wait! i can't wait! i can't wait! i can't wait! *jumps around* i can't wait!!!!! i am so excited....i can't wait!!! i can't wait!!!!
11:09pm 13/06/2005
mood: blah
I think its better if i keep myself off the market...i mean maybe nothing will happen with this guy but i want to wait just in case. i mean, im not "waiting" for the guy..its just...i dont want to try to date, i dont want other guys to like me...i just want this guy and i dont want to mess up anything that may happen...and if nothing does, i wont feel bad because we have a great friendship and i MOST definetly dont want to fuck that up. its very important to me...

i dont like it when the dynamics of relationships change. i informed my boss that after i get back from my vacation i will be quitting. the way the training schedule is, i would still be able to open on sundays, which i will during training. but after that, im not sure what will happen, most likely i will quit. *sighs* so now my boss is pissy/bitchy/angry with me and i really REALLY dont like her attitude about it. i am giving her MORE then a month to find someone new to take my position. and what if i dont get hired on at that place? then what...i have to stay at my lame ass job. LAME ASS JOB. but most likely i will get hired, since i know people have had jobs there, and i am SO much better then them.

Also the dynamics of Jessie's and I's relationship..she's getting married. and whenever my friends get married, i lose them....it sucks...it makes me sad...jessie is pretty cool....and it sucks..

oh, speaking of jessie, we were coming back from lunch today and we turned the corner and this guy waiting at the light was so HOT. he looked like johnny depp but like, younger...mmmm he was soooo soo delicious looking. i was like....wow.....yummy.
12:41am 09/06/2005
mood: sad
i think i have been sort of "taking myself off the market" so to speak.not only have i not been looking for someone to date or anything, but ive sort of been blocking it when the oppurtunity presents itself (ie. a guy is interested in me) i sorta, cock block him myself. i figured out yesterday why i was doing this and im going to try to stop doing it. im waiting for someone that isn't ever going to ask me to be more then a friend. i need to learn to accept that and move on with my life. *sighs* its so hard. *sighs again* im not sure if i can do it...we will see how it goes.

As always, the guys i want seem to be taken. i finally asked out video store hottie and well lets just say 'i felt like an ass' as he's engaged to be married and living with his fiancee. UGH my life sucks. HONESTLY it does. the only person that wants to get with me is this chick thats obviously a vagitarian...and i am not swinging that way. :) *not that there's anything wrong with that*

Sway by the Perishers

i talk to you as to a friend
i hope thats what you've
come to be
It feels as though we've
made amends
Like we found a way

It was you picked
the pieces up
When i was a broken soul
And then glued me
back together
Returned to me what
others stole

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among
the clouds
Now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?

I look at you and see a friend
I hope that's what you want to be
Are we back now where
it all began?
Have you finally forgiven me?

You gathered my dreams in
When they all blew away
And then tricked them
back into me
You saved me I was
almost dead
08:47pm 05/06/2005
  ..."This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and @..%$ up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a @..%$ than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in @..%$'s clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me."
     Read 2 - Post
11:00pm 03/06/2005
mood: calm
so still haven't found my phone yet, so if someone has a somewhat cool older phone hanging around that is from U.S. Cellular, give me a holler and i will pay shipping for it! :) i mean its not doing YOU any good is it? taking up space! give it to me! im sick of my Zach Morris cell phone. ugh. and i finally get new cell phone in a year, you can bet your sweet ass i will get the insurance!

so i got woken up today by mark. he called me and told me to drag my ass out of bed because he needs to "talk" what-the fuck-ever. so i get out of bed, and throw on some clothes. he brought his dog with him which is SUPER cute so she run around my apartment hysterically. shes way hyper but i love her. so he then proceeds to tell me that someone told my boss how big his dick was and how i need to stop talking about HIS personal life. *rolls her eyes* first of all, i never told my boss how big his dick was. or anything relating to that. i told my so called friend denise that he was "packing" and she asked me HOW BIG EXACTLY which i honestly couldn't tell her because i didn't bust out a ruler when we were getting it on. then when denise was quitting she told my boss that i talked about my personal life WAY too much at work because she even knew how big his dick was *rolls her eyes* when we had that conversation, we were in her car, around midnight on our way to dennys to get some apple crisp. i know all kinds of personal shit about her and her husbands fucking sex life. thas what friends talk about! GOD. to lie to my boss and tell her that i talk about it at work YEAH RIGHT. how unprofessional do you think i am!? also, when she said that shit, it was in front of another employee which i think was HELLA unprofessional. i really hate it how mark just assumes i talk about shit like that with everyone and yells at me. it happened like a month ago, him yelling at me for something i didn't do....weird...deja vu.
01:09am 28/05/2005
mood: tired
so when i wrote that last post, i didn't realize how drunk i was because i HONESTLY did not think i had that many typos. god.

i got my bonus check, it was 100 dollars but then they take 40% so i got ripped off *laughs* so i decided to just buy myself some stuff i wanted with it...so i got the 4th season of seinfeld since i already have the first 3. then i got scrubs the first season as well. i LOVE scrubs. zach braff kicks major ass. and i bought Pixie a new runny ball thing since she out grew her other one.

i went home because my boss ended up giving me sunday off. so i had friday, saturday, sunday, monday and tuesday off. so i got home on thursday night, friday i decided that i needed to go see my cousin darci. she hasn't seen ANYONE in our family for a few weeks, and she LOVES my grandpa so much...so she was like hiding under her blankets, like completely covered...she told me to leave her alone and she wouldn't talk to me...i think she might be pregnant or something...*shrugs* anyways so saturday jessie calls and tells me that she has to CANCEL the vegas/phoenix trip. she can't go anymore. im really upset about it...but what can i do...so my mom feels bad for me...so she springs for plane tickets so i can go still, just alone...but since im flying i get to stay an extra day in vegas now...since there wont be any driving involved.

I LOVE FLYING. except i get really nervous that someone will puke on me. ugh i hate that. SO much! so i get to fly from SLC to LAS VEGAS, stay there for 3 nights, fly from LAS VEGAS to PHOENIX, stay there for 3 days, then fly from PHOENIX to SLC. thats 3 flights....woo....i love the flying.

i am really excited i still get to go....i haven't seen my sister and her family in a really long time, and i haven't seen NICK! in even longer. wooo im so excited. any been to Las Vegas, what is the like MUST SEE thing i have to do!?! i need ideas because jessie was suppose to plan all that stuff....

So then i felt a little bit better but then i lost my fucking phone. YEAH thats what i said. i love my phone. i went back to every place that we went after i had it last...and yeah, its still lost. i went to the cell phone place but because i opted not to get the insurance (ive had a cell phone for like 6 years, never lost/damaged it EVER) so to get a new phone i would have to pay 160 bucks...instead my dad had a super old dinosaur sized nokia so im using that. it sucks ass...

then tuesday morning i finally came back here and then ive just been workiing my ass off since then. *laughs* luckily i have monday and tuesday...im tired....im going to lay down.